Today I was informed that someone's brother was having his prostrate removed. Surely he is now looking forward to quite an apathetic future. No more kneeling and pleading for him - no, sir! With a renewed, detached sense of calm, maybe he could visit Thompson's Funeral Home and Cremation Services, Inc. "Huh?", you think. "Eliza, why are you familiar with the local afterlife-care service industry in Charlottesville?" I'm glad you asked. See, Thompson's is a particularly non-apathetic business. The owners of this fine business have certainly NOT had their prostrate removed. For you see, I have joined a new choir (horrible usurper that I am) and when carefully observing others via visual clues (aka judging) I noticed the delightful lady next to me carrying her music around in a "Thompson's Funeral Home and Cremation Services, Inc." tote bag. They are incorporated, you see. A serious business that requires a serious business plan - including advertising in the form of tote-bags. No longer resigned to waiting for the inevitability of death to spur business - no, no! they are advertising!
I wonder, though, if advertising a funeral company can improve business? Actually causing death - yes, I can see how that would improve business. But on the whole, I understand why death-related businesses - in general, of course - spare on advertising costs. I wonder - was the tote bag free? Did she receive it upon the death of a loved one who patronized said funeral home or cremation service? "I am so sorry for the death of your loved one - I hope this free tote bag shows the full spectrum of my sympathy towards you". That sort of thing? Maybe she works there? But surely they wouldn't make bags solely for their employees - maybe they were leftovers from some ill-thought out promotion - Refer Us Your Next Dead Acquaintance And Receive 10% Off Your Next Burial AND A Complementary Tote Bag. Something like that. The mind wanders when presented with a thing like this.
Needless to say, I won't ask her. I will continue to "visually observe", though. Maybe more clues will come in the form of her pencil case being a decorative urn or her trying to pass her hearse off as a station wagon. We'll see.